I love what I'm doing. I am eternally grateful for the chance to perform to the best of my abilities and to create something meaningful as part of a team. And sometimes, I wish I could just walk away, but I am restrained by conscience and by responsibility and if I'm really honest with myself, by the wish to bring this role to fruition. I am utterly torn, as my father is currently in hospital, having apparently somehow managed to explode a kidney; as a daughter, I feel I should drop everything and fly back; as an artist, I am tempted to throw these terrifying fears into the mix with the rest of the negative energies I am exorcising with this role, and see what happens.
I am so lucky to have parents who have taken the decision out of my hands by forbidding me to fly over before the première, and feel even luckier that such a flight is not currently necessary.
To those considering following in footsteps similar to my own, I offer the following thought: not every Mephistopholean bargain is absolute. One can sell one's soul in incremental, measured-out packages. It may well be worth it; but it certainly needs to be weighed up carefully.